Olympic ‘talent': Our top ten male totty
The London 2012 Olympics are now in full swing, and of course the best part about this massive sporting event is all the lovely shiny gold medals we’ll be winning. Or more accurately, all the really buff and fit men who will be winning them, and who we get to stare at over the next two weeks. This is our countdown of the Olympic top ten totty. Get a cold shower on standby…
10. In at number ten is German gymnast Marcel Nguyen. The 24-year old found his love of gymnastics at the age of four, and has competed in a number of competitions – including the European Championships, where last year he won a gold medal for his work on the parallel bars. Shame his bars weren’t uneven, we would have gladly held one of them up for him.
Pros: He is VERY bendy. Cons: He’s on one of the other teams, so we shouldn’t really support him, but, to reiterate; he’s VERY bendy.
9. Next up is Australian swimmer James Magnussen, the current 100-metre freestyle world champion. He’s won a number of medals in various competitions, including the World Championships and the Commonwealth Games. In the London Olympics he’ll be competing in the 50-metre freestyle, 100-metre freestyle, and the 4Ã—100-metre freestyle and medley relay. Although he’ll really be competing for the hearts of thousands of screaming girls and gay men around the world. You could literally grate an entire block of cheddar on those abs, and we are more than happy to give him a hand drying off at the end of the race.
Pros: We love the Australian accent. Cons: Sometimes he has a funny beard.
8. Landing in at number 8 is an American boy with the kind of arms that you just want to be carried in. Say hello to javelin thrower Breaux Greer. An eight time American champion, this 35-year old certainly knows how to hold a big pole – and according to a recent US news report, admitted to sleeping with up to three woman A DAY during the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. Boy, this man has stamina by the bucketload.
Pros: Arms. Arms. Arms. Cons: He used to be on the American version of TV show Gladiator and had silly hair.
7. Doing it for the Brits at number 7 is athlete Jack Green. This 20-year old student is about to experience his first Olympic games, competing in the 400 metre hurdles and 4×400 relay. Do you think if we laid down in the middle of the track he’d jump over us too? Let’s hope Jack wins a gold medal this year, not just because he’s representing our fine nation but also because he is FINE. Just look at that face.
Pros: Excellent thighs from all that running and jumping. Cons: Probably far too fast for us to chase.
6. Howdy to our number 6 competitor from Texas, American diver David Boudia. David will compete in the men’s 10m platform, and men’s synchronised 10m platform with his partner Nick McCrory – who, to be honest, is also pretty easy on the eyes. The 23-year old said he had to give up a lot of his social life to prepare for the Olympics… well we’re free any night this week to hang out if you like?
Pros: Knows how to fill a pair of Speedos. Cons: He’s not the hottest diver on our list, just you wait…
5. Competing in the Olympic Games for the first time, American Ashton Eaton takes our number 5 spot. He’ll be trying to take home the gold in the Decathlon. Now, doing ten different sporting events in one impresses us a lot, and makes us wonder if he’d be an excellent multitasker too. You know what I’m talking about.
Pros: He likes a bit of everything. Cons: We’re intimidated by his greatness.
4. It’s another German gymnast flipping and twirling his way into 4th place, but this time he’s called Philipp Boy. This chap can work a bar like nobody else, and has a whole host of medals to prove it. With his jet black hair, and piercing blue eyes, he literally makes us want to throw on a unitard and join him for a good old balance-off. He’d probably win though. But we wouldn’t care, so long as he caught us.
Pros: High splits potential. Cons: His uniform is nowhere near revealing enough.
3. Our fourth American cruising his way into 3rd position is swimmer Ryan Lochte. Already a seven-time Olympic medalist, he holds the world record in the 4Ã—200-meter freestyle relay. Obviously it’s not all about speed when it comes to boyfriend potential, but this is certainly impressive. He’s also won the World Swimmer of the Year Award. Show-off.
Pros: Seriously does wonders for a swimming hat. Cons: Calls himself the Lochtenator, which is a bit uncool.
2. We couldn’t do a countdown of top totty without including the beautiful Tom Daley could we? The 18-year old British diver represented us back in 2008 at the Olympic Games in Beijing, and was Britain’s youngest competitor, the youngest competitor of any nationality outside the sport of swimming, and the youngest to participate in a final. This year he’s ready to bag us some gold and we couldn’t be more proud of him. Anybody who watched the recent BBC documentary on Daley knows what a true inspirational British hero he is. Sock it to ’em Daley, you boy of stunning body and face!
Pros: Beautiful on the inside and out. Cons: Nothing. At. All.
1. Drum roll please! Our coveted first place goes to the cheeky chappy who’s been causing a bit of a stir recently by tweeting pictures of himself ‘planking’ all over the Olympic village. Step forward Australian diver Matthew Mitcham. He’s the 2008 Olympic champion in the 10m platform, where he received the highest single-dive score in Olympic history. Couple that with the fact that he was the first Australian male to win a gold medal for diving since 1924, and you can see why this boy is going to go far. At only 24-years old, Mitcham is one of the very few openly gay competitors at the 2012 games, and that’s why we want to celebrate him and make him our numero uno Olympic top totty. In a recent interview Mitcham said, ‘I don’t see sexuality as influencing my beliefs or opinions or perceptions of anybody, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, trans, experimental, I don’t care. I see it as a very uninfluential factor in people.’ He also revealed that after the Beijing Olympics he received many letters from gay teenagers, which he found ‘really nice’ and’ really humbling’. We love you Matt, so if somehow the rules could be changed so both him and Tom Daley could win together, then we’d be really very happy. Long live Mitcham!
Did your favourite make it into our top 10? Or did we miss out on some prime Olympic beefcake? Tweet us at @SoSoGay and tell us what you think.
@jameswjacobs never apologise - the Olympics are the only time we can get away with staring at boys in lycra without needing a good reason