Dan Lambden is almost defeated by a particularly soporific few hours of X Factor.
We’re losing the will to write this column. The X Factor seems to lurch between extremes: either absolute drama or positively boring. This week we took the boring bus all the way to snooze town.
In ‘Movies’ week we could have been treated to hit songs from Moulin Rouge, Coyote Ugly, Titanic, Avatar, Dream Girls or even Armageddon. Instead we were graced with Set It Off (nope we’ve never heard of it either), Nineties rom-com She’s All That and smash hit ghoulish sequel Ghostbusters II. What a smorgasbord of cinematic wonder. Not.
The show was opened by Craig Colton singing James Bond theme ‘Licence To Kill’. His gay-growling and side mouth singing has now started to become self-parody. He sang the song very well, but lacks passion or power. Finding himself in the final two with newcomer Amelia Lily, who had underwhelmed with Aretha Franklin’s ‘Think’, he followed up his performance with a very soppy and heartfelt cover of ‘Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow’ but that wasn’t enough to save him from the votes. Amelia Lily rocked out her sing-off ballad, Lady Gaga’s ‘You & I’, and had the judges split leaving the result to the viewers. Deadlock!
We’ll keep the results short and sweet: bye bye, biscuit boy.
Next week Janet Devlin has to go. The Ariel the mermaid look-a-like sang ‘Kiss Me’ from dated teen romance She’s All That. There’s nothing else to say about her performance, except that she should have sung ‘Down on the Hill is a Lonely Goat’ from The Sound of Music, just so she can finally get all her constipated yodelling out.
Diva Misha B sang Whitney Houston’s ‘I Have Nothing’ from The Bodyguard with ease and dynamism. Cute as a button Marcus Collins, in his H&M Versace-raided electric pink wardrobe, jazzed his way through a slick cover of ‘Higher And Higher’ – apparently from Ghostbusters II.
But our favourite performance of the night was from the groups – Tulisa finally picked a perfect song for Little Mix: En Vogue’s ‘Don’t Let Go’ from Set It Off (Check out its IMBD page here.) The girls are finally coming together as a group, and highly impressed with their a capella moments throughout the song.
With all the contestants singing two songs next week, we’ll finally see our strong and weak contenders. This is Little Mix’s chance to show the nation what they’ve got to get this competition in the bag. They have grown and grown each week, whereas all the other acts have plateaued in interest. Things will (hopefully) become interesting again!
Wicked Whispers: Pssssst, we’ve heard Craig Colton is apparently dating 2009 X Factor hopeful Danyl Johnson, so it’ll be interesting to see how that pans out…