While the rain pours down on Edinburgh heavier than the floods on Noah, our sky is brightened by the bleach-blonde and Ronseal tan of former Britain’s Got Talent contestant, Kevin Cruise. As he brings his camp cruise antics to the Fringe crowds, So So Gay catch him to talk bingo, Simon Cowell’s campness and shooting Micheal McIntyre.
SSG: After years aboard cruise ships, how are you coping with Edinburgh?
Kevin Cruise: I’m used to sunshine and glamour. Here it’s very wet. My tan will go very quickly. I’ll be pale as a ghost before long. No, I’m loving it. Loving all the shows being around. I’ve yet to see camper shows than mine going on. It’s only me and Liberace waving the camp flag at the festivals.
You’ve had the excitement of performing at Glastonbury for the last two years. How was that?
Amazing. You’ve got your Beyoncé’s and Jessie J’s, but when everyone’s had a drink, they just want a bit of a sing–song. We did ‘Single Ladies’, a bit of ‘Daydream Believer’, ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’…
So after putting the ‘camp’ in camping, any tips for festival survival?
Glastonbury was really hot. So make sure you’re wearing as little clothing as possible, to top up your tan. Oh, and drink plenty of cider.
Britain’s Got Talent was great showcase for you, but you famously clashed with Simon Cowell. How would you have fared this year?
Simon was not a fan onscreen, but off screen he loved it. He’s as camp as tits really. You watch him when he’s interviewed, yeah. The minute he comes off stage: camp!
So on the current panel: shoot, marry or sleep with?
Oh. I’d have to shoot… Micheal McIntyre. Marry Amanda. And I think I’d have to shag Hasselhoff. Probably wearing red shorts. We could both sing the Baywatch theme tune very loudly.
So what can we expect from your Edinburgh show?
BINGO. We got fruit-carving demonstrations, sing-a-long, dance-along. What else have we got? I do street dance. Yep. I’m very hip. Hopefully get to work with Diversity in the future. It’s a plethora of entertainment!
Street dance: very progressive. How far can you take your new street cred?
Panto. I’m back doing it this year and my choreographer said she wants to get the street dancing in.
Great. After cruising, what would be your dream job?
TV. Travel presenting. Just for the tan. Imagine me walking along the beach in my flip-flops: ‘Welcome to Benidorm. Let’s tour the drag cabaret bars.’ We need more gay TV. We could do with a proper gay channel. Or hijack a porn channel. One hour of porn, followed by Kevin in Benidorm.
Finally, sum up your show in three words.
Camp, funny, exciting.
Catch Kevin Cruise in Cruise Ship Capers daily at the Edinburgh Fringe: Assembly Rooms, George Square 15:50, 3 -29 Aug (not 16).