Grooming: Hair removal

40 Year Old Virgin

If you resemble King Kong and you’re not happy with it, there is only one thing you can do – get rid of the fuzz. We aren’t suggesting you dip yourself in wax and have an S&M madam rip it off every inch of your body: merely that you conduct a level manscaping on a regular basis. Now, this is purely down to personal opinion, but if your back resembles a thick shag-pile rug then chances are you’re the Bridget Jones of the gay world. Women have it a tad easier over the years with products aimed at use on the legs, armpits, ‘lady garden’ and the occasional top lip. Now it’s our turn to tackle backs, bums and balls with the plethora of new items on the market. Treatments come in a variety of forms and budgets so there is no excuse for being able to plait your body locks. With summer around the corner it is time to act… but, of course, all of this is down to your aesthetic (there are plenty of hot bears, otters and cubs in the world!).

Revitol

First up is American brand, Revitol Hair Removal Cream (£11.65 for 100ml from Amazon). As with any hair removal cream the main question is (or should be) ‘can I use this downstairs?’ In this case the good news is: yes you can. Feel free to put this wherever you want without fear of chemical burns – obviously in a sensible way. They claim ‘The unique blend of bio-active plant extracts seep into the hair-free follicle reducing the hair shaft naturally at the follicle growth site. The hair becomes thinner and finer over a one- to four-month period.’ Reportedly hair stops growing with ongoing maintenance and your skin really is left feeling baby soft. Sensible rules apply: don’t redo the same spot within a 24-hour period or leave cream on your skin for longer than 15-20 minutes. And always apply a test patch on each new area of the skin.

Philips Bodygroom Pro

The second option is one for the gadget fans: the Philips Bodygroom Pro (RRP £70.00 from Boots). This is a must-have; you can literally shave every inch of hair from your body with this little marvel. As it is made for wet and dry use it means you can happily shave and trim in the shower, without the need to deploy the vacuum to suck up the rodent-sized fur ball you deposit on the bathroom tiles. It is easy to use and glides over the contours over your body without tugging or irritating your skin. It is designed to shave and trim all body zones, but those with overactive hair follicles beware: you will be using it frequently to keep the re-growth at bay.

The Sugar Shop

Thirdly, for those who want a bit of S&M style pain, a trip to a beauty therapist is probably the one for you. It is long-lasting and will definitely remove all the hair from the treatment site. Places like the Sugar Shop in London provide great treatments for men and it isn’t that expensive. Sugaring is the better form of waxing as it is kinder to the skin and lowers the risk of irritation. A simple mixture of sugar, lemon and water is applied to the area of skin and, with a gentle flick, the sugar is removed from the body taking the hair and the root with it. Over time your hair will thin and eventually your trips will decrease in frequency.  We hear it actually works out to be the most cost-effective way of keeping hair at bay. Prices at the Sugar Shop start from £10.00 for ear- or nose-hair removal.

Clearly body hair is easily removed at any budget. Without realising it, it can boost your confidence and allow you to take your top off in the summer without the local zoo hunting you down to return you to the primate enclosure.